(Sweater: BCBG Max Azria, Palazzo Pants: Zara, Belt: H&M, Bag: Nine West)
Today’s post is amongst a true rarity on
roxthefox.com, where I shall attempt to deliberate about fashion and not dwell
into tangents about the failures of life and such. Although this outfit is
aesthetically pleasing, in my humble opinion, it is also, in fact, highly
functional and highly strategic in concealing one’s flaws. So let us begin to
dissect this outfit, piece by piece.
A few years ago, my grossly unhealthy eating
habits began to take a toll on my body and I was diagnosed with a deadly
disease. The telltale signs of the said disease marked its ghastly appearance
in the form of a lump, located directly under my chin. As I continued to consummate
my love with food from the Carbs variety, the lump grew exponentially. My
greatest fear had manifested under my chin.
Yes folks, I was diagnosed with
MSC: Multiple Chin Sclerosis.
The mere thought of divorcing myself from the
likes of potatoes was unfathomable, thus, I opted to search for alternative
options to control them chins. Lo and behold, out of the depths of my closet,
appeared the Turtle Neck, ready, willing, and capable of discarding the said
chin(s). There’s no garment like a high neckline to dispose of multiple chins
and wrinkly necks (also conceals the remnantsof kinky one night stands). Now,
although this BCBG sweater is not the traditional Turtle Neck sweater, the
neckline is still high enough for me to wear this strategically to cover them
chins when I was fat (read: phat).
Let us now migrate southwards and move on to
the subject of Palazzo Pants. The high-waisted, wide legged, Siamese twin of
the Maxi skirt made its debut back from the 70’s in the summer of 2011. For
midget creatures such as myself, the Palazzo pant was a gift from the Fashion
Gods, helping us disguise our shortcomings,anddeceiving the outsiders into
thinkingthat objects in the mirror were taller than they appeared (until you
had to get nekkid… then you were screwed). But what I love the most about the
Palazzo pant, other than it the perception that I have super-model length legs,
are the ease and comfort of these pants. At times, I forgot I was even wearing
pants, because it felt so heavenly. Now, besides giving a height boost, ease,
and comfort, here are other functional elements of the Palazzo:
1. Higher chances of re-producing an offspring:Unlike the
jeans and what have you, the Palazzo pant will not dig into your nether region
to produce a severe camel toe (which is a hazard to the child producing
Ease of access to the manipulation of one's fun zone, which could
possibly lead to scenario #1 (if you are asexual that is).
Hidden treasures: These pants could be used to conceal not only the
aforementioned Thunder Thighs, but also other items of grave importance,
such as pots, televisions, portable fridge and balls (see: ovaries).
Ventilation: If you grew up in a hot country like myself, you know the
importance of wind circulation around the nether regions.
5. Levitation: The pants give the illusion that I'm floating, leading the bystanders to believe that I am the next Messiah.
possibilities are endless! Let me hear some of your ideas!