(Vest: Anne Klein/ Blouse: Catherine Melandrino/ Belt: Topshop/ Leather Pants: Robert Rodriguez/ Boots: Zara/ Bag: Marc by Marc Jacobs/ Gloves: Zara)
Obligatory disclaimer: No animals were skinned, hurt or harmed in the making of this blog post.
SEEEEEEE MY VEST! See my vest, made of real Gorilla chest!
If you don't know what I'm talking about, your teenage years have been sufficiently raped by humorless satires not of the Simpsons' variety.
outfit post has been inspired by my recent trip to the Zoo this
weekend. Ok, fine, I watched Jumanji on Sunday, that's close enough to
stimulate a real life experience, right? That, coupled with my desire to
pay homage to members of my own species (see: monkeys) has led me to
conjure this faux fur attire. That, or my overactive bodily functions
have once again overstimulated the follicular gland and my manhood has
revealed itself in all its masculine glory (see also me birthing feathers).
seriously, this faux-fur trend is worth trying. And why? Because it's
still unapologetically cold in Canada, and we're human and sometimes, just
sometimes, practicality deserves to prevail. That, and the pinnacle of
our existence revolves around impressing Rachel Zoe. The cool thing
about this fuzzy, fake outerwear is that throwing one on,
whether it be over a long sleeved tee or a maxi dress, instantly makes
you glamorous (severe body hair notwithstanding). The funny part is, I
wore a similar vest of the Rachel Roy kind in Spain several years ago,
and was mistaken by a baby Ape as its mother. It proceeded to groom me
and clung to my vest in an effort to rekindle with its own species -- it
was a sight that would melt whatever is left of Dick Cheney's heart, it
was that fucking cute. I can assure you that the said ape (why did I
capitalize the A the first time?) would have had a similar reaction had I
been in the nude.
Because last week we discussed
things we could do with our pants, this week we'll talk about things we
can't do with our pants. For starters, these pants pretty much hamper
any dreams or aspirations you may have in starring in "Dude, where's the
bathroom?"... and as I always say, you have not lived life unless
you've squatted for at least 20 minutes a day (a lifetime of severe
constipation will do this to you). Land squatting is especially a
necessity in this case because these leather pants are actually
high-waisted, and we must position our body in such a way that
prevents the perils of these pants from drilling a permanent line
through my nether region.
will discuss the obvious Canon Product Placement in another post. For
now, we have conjured a look that would make Rachel Zoe go Ba-Na-Naz.