I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive! Sorry folks, I disappeared off the face of this planet for the past two weeks. I'm currently traveling to Houston for work, and have neglected the fashion world in favor of the corporate world.
Now, I was planning to post in between meetings, but quite frankly, I just did not have the time, or the brain power to conjure up sub-par text. But then I thought, should I even bother writing? The last time I wrote essays on my Palazzo pants, people commented saying 'NICE MAXI SKIRT'... and then tears cascaded down my acne-laden skin with dismay. Do people even read blog posts anymore? I don't even want to get started on the number of health concern messages I received when I was obviously joking about being diagnosed with Multiple Chin Sclerosis (MCS). I guess sarcasm doesn't translate too well over the internet. *shrugs* I thought that after the Palazzo pants commentary debacle, that I would never ever share Tales of the Trousers on this blog, until the importance of printed pants was reinforced to me last week.
As aforementioned, last week, I flew to Houston for work and I was about to board the plane in a pair of acid-washed denim jeans, when I said to myself "Self, why would you suffocate your fat rolls in tight jeans whilst sitting in a confined airplane seat for 4 hours?" I quickly changed into a pair of jacquard printed pants, as pictured in exhibit A above, as they were the only pair of pants I had at disposal in my carry-on bag. And although they may not be 'airplane' appropriate, they were, by far, more comfortable than jeans and would not stretch my netherly region to irreparable dimensions, never to return to its cozy comforts of yore. In hindsight, this was the best decision I have ever made in my life because, at 29,000 ft above Earth, without any prior notice, Le Menstrual Cycle made its arrival 2 weeks before its regularly scheduled programme. So there I was, about an hour into my 4 hour long flight, riding the crimson tide high in the sky, without any tools at my disposal to rectify the situation (come on guys, I was flying United Airlines).
Now, had I kept on the aforementioned jeans, I would have been the subject of intense public spectacle, the kind I suffered in the year 2009 when I wore white pants to a beach during that time of the month and decided to engage in water activities (let's just say I was lucky that the sharks didn't come for me), but these printed pants saved my life by camouflaging the said flow of crimson, making the current status of my menstrual cycle nearly undetectable.
I wasn't planning on posting these photos till next winter, but I could not help but emphasize the significance of printed pants to my readers and how ya'll should invest in a decent pair this Spring. Isn't it an incredibly satisfying feeling to know that you can eat guacamole and foods of the Mexican variety without the fear of making your pants dirty?
Oh, and to anyone who ever plans on flying United Airlines flight 2426, please, for the love of God, DO NOT SIT IN SEAT 32F.